Three Things You Should Do As Your Parents Age

Being in my late forties, the conversations I have with friends have shifted. We still talk about our kids but now it’s less about playdates and more about college applications, doctor’s appointments, and rising blood pressure. Increasingly, we also talk about our parents.

Some of us lose our parents too soon. Others find themselves gradually stepping into a helping role as their parents age. Because my career has focused on aging and supporting older adults, I’m often asked: What should someone do when their parent starts needing help?

The honest answer could fill a book, a magazine article, or even a five-hour in-person conversation. But if I had to narrow it down, here are three essential things you should do as your parent ages.

1. Start the Discussion

Talking to your parents about aging and the possibility that they may one day need help can feel uncomfortable. After all, they were the ones who took care of you. It can feel awkward, or even disrespectful, to reverse those roles.

The truth is, most parents are already aware that they are aging. While they may not always recognize when they need help, they know they’re getting older. Every family has its own dynamics, so this conversation may feel easy— or incredibly hard.

The most important thing is to be direct, respectful, and non-judgmental. A simple opening might sound like this:

“Mom and Dad, I want to be able to support you as your needs change. I’d really like to talk about what’s important to you and how I can be there for you when you need help.”

Starting the conversation early, before there is a crisis, creates space for thoughtful decisions and shared understanding.

2. Make Sure They Have a Decision-Maker

All of us will age. A fortunate few will remain cognitively intact and fully capable of managing their affairs until the end of their lives. Most of us, however, will need help at some point.

Now is the time to confirm whether your parent has designated someone to make decisions on their behalf if they become unable to do so themselves. This means having proper legal documents in place.

In most states, including Illinois, this is done through Powers of Attorney for health care and for property (financial matters). These documents allow your parent to name an agent they trust to act on their behalf if needed.

It’s critical that this decision is theirs and not something imposed on them. I strongly recommend working with an attorney experienced in Estate Planning and/or Elder Law to ensure documents are properly drafted and reflect your parent’s wishes.

3. Learn About Their Finances

Money is deeply personal, and many parents consider their finances private. That’s normal. However, understanding your parents’ financial picture is important because care is expensive, and future options often depend on available resources.

The initial goal isn’t to catalog every bank account or asset. Instead, aim for a high-level understanding of:

• Income sources

• Major assets

• Debts or ongoing expenses

The more financial resources they have available, the more care options your parent will have. That said, if resources are limited, it’s important to know that benefits programs and public benefits exist. For example, in Illinois, there are services for lower-income seniors, including programs like Meals on Wheels.

Knowing what’s available helps you plan realistically and avoid surprises during a crisis.

Final Thoughts

Supporting an aging parent is rarely simple, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. But starting the conversation, ensuring decision-making documents are in place, and gaining a basic understanding of finances can make an enormous difference for both you and your parent.